Damaged Goods

I wonder why the lastest incident always brings up the first. I know, that wasn't very clear. I guess I was referring to a quote Valerie Wilson Wesley's character, Tamara Hayle, often quoted. The last death always brings up the first. For me, lately, that last painful event is taking me down memory lane, to some painful child hood stuff. I was trying to flesh out Lani's character and the pain she encountered that caused her to search for a better life. She is the wife of the main character in Life-The Series. So, while I was trying to feel her pain, I tapped into a whole terrible childhood experience that I had thought was forgotten. It came back crystal clear, like watching a horror flick. And I didn't know what to do with it, because it is one of the many "we dont talk about them now that we are righteous" incidents from the past.

I posted a poem about it named Don't Say a Word. To tell you the truth, I felt a lot better after publishing the poem, as if the pain of it all was released. But it is incredible, recalling my past through adult eyes. I can't imagine some of the situations. I'm not tryin to pass judgement and I understand that each person is different, but what were my parents thinking. Really!! I mean, there are so many situations that I couldn't even imagine exposing my kids to, yet, there I was, right in the thick of things. Somehow, these two people created in me a sense of responsibility and protection that neither of them really practiced. Or was it just the life experiences and the pain itself, that has put in place those borders. I guess I'll never know.

One thing I know for certain, I was placed in many situations where adults view the child sadly, but subsequently writes him/her off. Damaged becuase of circumstances. He/she will never be able to make it because their mother...........Instead I grew strong, clear, more resolute, a little less gullible. So don't write kids off so easily, just because their parents are foolish or worse. You may be the one difference, the light in the mist, enabling them to tear through the tangled paths their parents weaved, into clarity and an uncomplicated existence....

Why Love?

My fellow poet and blogger, Shai Davis, who shares a middle name, has a wonderful poem on her site Drawn 2 Words. She writes "I keep promising myself I will stop writing about love." Which led me to the question, why do we spend so much time, thought, emotion on love? Yesterday I worked twelve hours, and played Jill Scott the entire day. Two albums consumed my attention for twelve hours, about love.

What is it that captures us? Even after debating politics or the state of our people, discussing the world and life, we always come back to love. No matter how many times I have tried to draft something different, a love related poem springs to my heart, a love based story comes to mind. I am convinced that love is the purity of God, the only emotion that is shocking and comforting, affirming and overwhelming. When we suffer, it is not love, it is the human reaction to or response while in love. Love itself is always pure. And I can't ever get enough.

So I guess we will write on, and dream on, and reminisce about love. Blush, gasp, inhale, exhale and remember loves effects. See there, I feel another poem coming on.....

Pay for Poems?

I'm sick y'all. Examined and verified - its the flu. My body has been aching for the last two days, but yesterday it just shut down. Felt like I was wearing a moon suit, with every step my body felt heavier until I just had to sit down somewhere. I slept from midnight until 7. 7 until noon. Noon until 3. Haven't had this much sleep since undergrad. A bit groggy, but better. Never too sick to blog, though!!

So, a new issue has come up. My fellow writers are expressing concern that I am posting poetry on the net, for free. One respected writer said I shouldn't give away anything for free, much less my writing. I understand that point of view, but I look at it a little different. Hear me out, tell me what you think:

If writing is a God given talent, then, by the simple nature of it being from God, it is given to me to share with the world - edify and uplift (this can lead off into a different discussion about content(godly vs. worldly)-see previous post). If I take the gift, write, but do not distribute based on the condition of money, then I am placing my own barrier against what I was called to do. If it is meant for me to get paid, then I will. I have other things in the works. But I also don't want to die, and have my greatgrands finding all these works that remained barricaded because I couldn't receive payment for them.

So, I post the poems. They're fun to write. I enjoy it. Maybe I will take them down after a month or so. I don't know. They are copyrighted, but I have no problem granting license to use to anybody that requests it. Maybe I'm trippin, but at the end of this life, my measure has to be more than my pocketbook, don't you think?