Thursday, December 28, 2006

Nixing Spanglish

Hola mi papi's y mamasitas

Well, the time has come for me to increase the Espanol, and it is a pressing need. My twins caregiver speaks fluent Spanish and minimal, passable English. I speak Ebonics, the Kings English and horrible, treacherous Spanglish. On some level, I actually feel its a little disrespectful that I haven't taken more time, put in more effort. I am kinda overwhelmed with other things, but aren't we all. And the most important thing is clear communication and extending a basic kindness to her. Because I have 2 years of Latin and 4 years of Spanish under my belt, how lazy and rude is it that I haven't just taken a week to listen to a refresher course?

We had an issue the other day, very minor, but we weren't able to communicate effectively. She had panic in her eyes and I felt very very bad. Turns out, it was no big deal, she just wanted to clarify the purpose of some money I had given her. But you know how it is, folks and money. She definitely didn't want me thinking she had misused it, and our failure to communicate worried us both!!

Therefore, I am getting on it. No more piecemeal sentences with muy pequeno espanol sprinkled throughout, no Ima show some respect and get it right.

Anyway, my babies are definitely bilingual, in fact, they carry on entire babbling conversations in what is definitely not baby English, and both yell "agua" and "leche" at the sight of water and milk (the baby version of the words of course) as well as other words I haven't quite made out. It's funny, I was trying to translate their babble into English, came up with nothing. Start listening for Spanish words, ya'll, and realized these kids have been talking for weeks.

They respond and interact entirely in Spanish with my day care provider and her family members. Which I wanted. I have a huge family, they will catch on to English with no problems. And this is a bilingual, multicultural world, I want them to be able to really experience it. But, it also means that if I want to keep up with bilingual clever kids who can get into some stuff at the drop of a dime, I need to get the Espanol rolling off my tongue now!!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Alright folks, I'm back and refusing to be denied in 2007. So, I am looking forward to this new year, but I must admit that I was truly blessed in 2006. Events in my life caused me to step out of my shell, strip away the comfort zone I created and step back into the real world. My number one fear, of course, was my children and exposing them to a bunch of nonsense when dealing with day care providers. Don't get me wrong, there are good ones out there, its just going through the shuffle to find them that's scary. Instead, we got it right the first time, and she has made a tremendous difference in our lives.

Additionally, I returned to the 9-5 workforce, after 4 years of the hustle and grind of self employment. It took some getting used to. The whole idea of punching the clock, just for the sake of punching the clock, is a mindless concept that I have to fight daily. But it was very necessary. The boredom of work facilitated a desire to write all the time, instead of sparingly or on the weekends. So, this blog was developed, the myspace page was developed, the website was developed, three books published, three short stories published...incredible. Remarkable. And It is only the tip of the iceberg, there are so many more stories in me, trying to get out, that are just waiting for the ones in front of them to move out of the way!!!

So there it is in a nutshell. Please keep checking in and staying with me through this process. I will have some business developments for you soon....

Luv ya

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

James Brown, Our Loss

Well, you have probably heard that James Brown, The Godfather of Soul, passed away on Christmas Day, December 25, 2006. As I observed the evening news I was deeply saddened to hear of his death, shocked would be a more accurate description. James Brown has always been more than just an icon or entertainer, he has been the very thread of soul, woven delicately through almost every genre. Somehow, I took for granted that he would always be here, always remind us of good times, life and love.

His career accomplishments are astonishing. Check the records, he has ammassed over 800 songs in his repertoire. Before Prince and current day dancers, James Brown danced with ease, created a vibrant enjoyable stage show, complete with his collapse and Maseo's assistance. His ingenuity could not be denied, his creativity remains simply dynamic.
It is important to remember that Mr. Brown's accomplishments were not in today's media frenzied, easily accepting, crossover market. Rather, he began building a career and reputation in the racially divided America of the 1950's, releasing the classics "Think" and "Please, Please, Please" in 1959. While the nation was being swept by a movement, by change, by social responsibility and accountability, James Brown did not count his pennies and run and hide from the strife and struggle of his people. Instead, relying on his simple good vibes and gifted ability, he created a song for generations when he released 1968's "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud." What better theme song, what better expression and acknowledgement of a young black generation that was in the midst of shattering segragation's legacy?

Finally, James Brown has been the template for Hip Hop, a music initially created to give a voice to the streets, an acknowledgement to the urban masses, a collective unity among our youth. During Hip Hop's Black Awareness movement of the 90's, James Browns lyrics and the music of his band, the JB's, could be found dancing through the airways under numerous smooth vocals. When looking for change, when relying on inspiring creativity, one can't help but turn to James Brown.

That said, I mourn for us, for the loss of this never ending flame of funk and life. While he is at rest, thought, we are left with his memory and legacy. A legacy which can never be minimized or denied.

For more information on James Brown, The Godfather of Soul, go to his website at www.godfatherofsoul.com.

(Originally posted at Myspace)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Its That Time Of Year

Well folks, its Christmas time. I have tried to avoid it, withdraw, be oblivious. This time of year inevitably leads to expectations, obligations and commitments. SOmetimes I can handle it. This year, I cannot. I am tired and worn down a bit. The lack of sleep has alot to do with it. I am glad it is just a physical tired, the mental tired stuff leads to depression, and I have no time for that!!!

But it is Christmas. And I am thankful for another year to celebrate the birth of Jesus, reaffirm my faith and belief in the Most High. That's not the Christmas I want to avoid. The event Im tryin to avoid is the present trading, when can we come visit, what are you cooking, don't tyou want to pack up your whole crew and (fill in the blank), why didn't you come by, once again no present from you? AHHHHH. I got five kids yall. A husband. A small crew of tight tight really hope you are well friends (who don't hear from me as often as they should). Parents. A host of family. I need to find a way to extend myself to those folks without over extending.

And you know what else, out of all those people, not one of us really needs anything. We are not in need of anything crucial. which is the blessing. The HUGE Blessing. I don't have a dime in my pocket today, which means I am under 100 bucks in my spending account. Not destitute. Not down and out. Not begging bread, or unable to eat. Electricity is on, water is running. We are healthy.

So, this year, I think I just need to be thankful. Take some time to thank God for sanity and security. Take time to thank God for teaching me how to put up my borders and protect what small part of me that I can. Keep that inner man insulated so that I can maintain a peaceful patient existences with family and friends.

After all this rambling, my point is this, my real goal for Christmas is thankfulness.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Season Finale


SO, tonite marked the official season finale of The Wire. Now, I realize that most of America saw it last Tuesday on HBO on Demand, but I waited for it, wanted to space it out, see whether the characters would follow the paths I wanted for them. See, this season was different for me for one simple reason, they took it to the kids.

If you read last weeks post, then you already know, pretty much, what I am talking about. Normally I can watch all of these types of shows with a certain detachment, these are grown folks after all, they made the choice to sling, sell, feen, fill in the blank. Therefore, there is minimal sympathy for that junkie that cathes a beat down, the drug dealer that catches a case, the bad guy hero who finally faces karma. Now, don't get me wrong, when The Wire terminated Idris Elba, I almost had to put them in no man's land, meaning on the "will not watch anymore" list. Come on, you do not terminate Stringer Bell. Never. He is the one dealer that you can believe finally walks away from the game, breaks lose with millions earned and gets to live that glamorous life.


But it seems that is a route Hollywood just cannot allow. I have only seen it one time, in Sugar Hill, and even he wound up paralyzed from the neck down with both his Daddy and brother dead (I am speaking of Wesly Snipes).

But anyway, I digress. My point originally was that when The Wire took it down to the kids, portrayed how our men and women wind up locked into this drug game trap, street corner trap, without much choice and no other options, it makes the story much more endearing, understandable, heartbreaking.


Michael, for example. How can someone pass judgement on this boy? Is he wrong for having his brother's father murdered? Ok, the point blank answer is always, yes, murder is a sin. But what about the fact that the man had molested him, would certainly, eventually, molest his younger brother, and was making aggressive moves to take over the household funds. Calculate in his junkie mother, a dysfunctional school system, a completely incompetent Social Services system, and what choices seem reasonable to any 13 year old? So the deal with the devil had to be made. Truth be told, how many folks under the same circumstances would have chosen differently. But now he is the property of Marlo Stanfield- this 13 year old is a life long street soldier. How long before he is dead, shot, in jail? How long before his little brother, despite all his efforts, is also in the game. Its all cyclical, isn't it?

So, I hope that The Wire gets some awards and recognition for traveling very dense dark waters, navigating them cleanly, directly, giving the most real reflection of inner city chaos that I have every seen. But they won't. Simply put, the cast never gets any nods, neither does the crew, and i don't want to say its because of the huge African American cast but, if it quacks like a duck, then you got to call it a ....

One more thing. Despite my best efforts to remain oblivious to this weeks show before tonight, I happened to see that JD Williams character, Bodie, was going to meet his end tonite. Truth be told, I didn't want to believe it. Bodie reminded me so much of a guy I grew up with, had a crazy crush on and, well, you know...But, they did the deed, killing off one of the more prolific representers of the street in years. His death bothered me as much as Stringers, pissed me off actually, but this year I can't lie to myself....I'll still be tuning in next season, no matter what.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Why, Dear God




The Wire presented a fascinating show tonite - fascinating if you are on the outside looking in, like watching a colony of ants as they go about life, the same cycles, the same twists and turns, new characters, different actors. The difference is that the Wire has done something I have never seen on television, started with the innocent child and portrayed how the socioeconomic factors, politics, systemic failures, parental failures, turn a caring protective older brother into a cold street gangster. It flips and accurately portrays the result of the spoiled ghetto rich kid, suddenly faced with brutal and real decisions, and unable to cope with them. And then it shows our faceless children, parentless, one in the system, one still with the parents(heroine addicts) and their difficulty even surviving on the street.



The one child, Randy, was desperate to stay out of state, out of the foster system. He snitched, told what he thought he knew about a murder, which turned out to be nothing, to stay with his foster mom - now the foster mother has been severely injured (i don't think she died, but have to watch again to be sure) and he is once again homeless, because of the unfortunate carelessness of a cop.



Which led me to wonder, why is suffering, true helpless, life shaping, thought forming, pain imposed on us as children. Is there a reason that the most devastating events have to occur during that phase of life, when our care, decisions, living, are really not our own. Or is it because, by the inherent nature of reliance based on age, it is the one time during this cycle called life, that we are open and able to be scarred. Think about it, every traumatic event, that shattered your stability, formed what you thought about you, happened 18 and under. I am willing to bet that the most traumatic events actually occurred 13 and under. Why. God protects the little children. They are inherently his. And those who come against children are supposed to suffer a mighty wrath. Why then, are children so exposed? So abused, so neglected, so prone to the real underbelly of the world. There is a silent tragedy, a belief that they are alone, no one cares, no one hears them.

While we worry about nonsense, whether a coworker likes us, or what he/she said, there is a child right now, being beaten, molested, witnessing abuse, feeding themselves, running away, fighting for an internal right to be.....just to be. To exist and breathe, without fright, without torment. Suffering children are not necessarily poor either, but might reside within your very house, silently swallowing the inability to reach out for help. Where can they turn? Adults play politics, don't want to step on toes, sure the child is exaggerating. Social services, school, teachers, well, what can you tell them that won't get you into more trouble. The system is designed to wait until a certain age and then build cages for them, their certain destination, or a spot in the morgue.

Even when I try not to, I can feel others pain, absorb it deeply into my being. I often shield my mind, by strictly monitoring what I watch, who I talk to, how much I take in, to avoid this pain. I opened up tonite, allowed it in, allowed tears for each and every child that I cannot help, will never know. The ones who will not grow old, will become hard and burdened with hate and will inflict similar pain on others. I cried tonite for our children in the system, dealing with heart wrenching judgement and ridiculous expectations, never allowed to really mourn their situation, come to terms with the abandonment, always compared against other kids who will never have any idea how it feels to witness and live violence.

There must be a reason, a divine order to this thing, the soul's preparation, in some way, for something bigger and better. I know that my finite understanding cannot grasp, leaving me only to mourn and ask why, dear God, why.....