Explanation

I kinda forgot the thrill of the chase, or being chased. For a little while. So busy birthin babies and tryin to play wifey. For a second, or a small lifetime, i believed that was all i had left. family formed and marriage reunited, what else is left. but there is something else. a need or desire for something else. for some small peice of me to remain, the me without a baby hang off hip or a mansilent expectations. Just me. Who I was. Who I am. Someone kinda special, with some deep down talents, shyness causing me to hide them instead of exploit and reveal them.

So that's where I am. Today. trying to scratch and claw the moss and dust off of talent and identify it. Trying to remember the me that appealed to the opposite sex, appealed to my sense of woman. Sometimes walking that fine line, but staying on the right side ot it, no doubt. Remembering when I was interesting, had something to say, thought I could change the world, believed that I mattered. I am trying to tap back into that.

I think my website confuses. Especially those who know me. the thoughts and ideas and experiences that we never admit to having, thats whats tied up in my poetry. But I am not the only one who has thought these thoughts, pushed these limits, experienced joys and pains. Maybe the surprise comes in the cover, the outer offering. It might be my plain janeness that is throwing so many folks off. I am not sure. nor should I care. I only do to the point that I do not wish to alienate folks who had a certain idea of me and are seeing that idea shatter and crack.

i have a good friend who summed it up. I love your writing, he said, and i love reading it. But I don't ever want to discuss it with you. I didn't know how to react to that. but thats what I get sometimes. and its fine. I am sick of wading in bs, ready for real reasons and explanations, real emotions. if i can express them in a forum and they are received then i have tiptoed into one aspect of my gift. maybe i can expand from here..