Oblivion

My daughters and I were at Target, affectionately known as Tar'get (Tar-sh-Jay), searching for summer dresses and jelly shoes. Just something light, cute and cheap, to last a couple of weeks, since the destroy most everything fairly quickly.

As we were walking in, a young girl and her man, I assume boyfriend and not husband by how he was openly staring and trying to make eye contact with me, walked in with babies in tow. I ignored him as I rounded up my mini crew and began heading past the 1 dollar items into the store. Of course, I never get past the 1 dollar section and this time I paused to pick up cute girlie sunglasses. One of the babies was playing with the cart and stressed out momma was trying to peel another child from her hip. Exasperated she pointed her finger at one child, "get on the other side of the cart," then to the other she said, "stop playing, mover over." As the cart swung around she pointed to her "man" and said "GET HIm, STOP HIM FROM MOVING THE CART."

Now, her request was harmless enough. The child was going to wipe out half of the people entering the store with the cart. But, in that split instant, she lost her man. Maybe not totally, maybe not completely, but something in him turned off. Her pointing finger, her authoritative tone. I caught it. She caught, because she attempted to lower her voice and nicely explain, "could you please get him. I need help."

IT was actually amazing to watch. But my watching may have caused the problem. At the second that she addressed him like a child, pointing and directing, I just happened to look up. He and I both looked at her, me with mild interest that she just ordered this 6'4" man around like a chump, and him with a look of confusion then complete disregard. Now, should he have been helping? Yep. Should she have had to request he pay attention and alleviate some of the chaos? No. But the ordering around of him, in front of strangers, in front of children, was obviously something that he wasn't going to tolerate. As she stuttered out a more polite explanation, he looked me dead in the eye. I looked back, waiting, wondering how he was going to respond. I should have looked away, pretended that I was oblivious to it. But I found myself captivated.

Then he turned on his heel and walked out of the store. Just like that. Finally, regaining some common sense, I pushed my daughters forward and kept walking, just like that. And the young girl tried to reign in her kids alone. Just like that.

It made me think of a lesson I learned, years ago. No matter what, they can always walk away. This life, trying to juggle motherhood, wifehood, bread earner but subservient, dependent, "respectful", but juggling it all - that is the real cross we bear. That is the unknown price woman in a relationship pay. And when we cross the line, or lose our temper, for just a second, they can tune us out, turn it off. And then we have the burden by ourselves. Rather than at least having that helping hand.

I wonder what she took from that. The young girl and her three kids. I wonder if she responded with fighting and pay back, harsh words and plotted revenge. OR if she folded in the pain, disappointment, anger, bit her tongue, and sensually talked him back into believing her inherent need of him. If she made the decision so many woman do, on a daily basis, after words drip from our lips and we watch them walk away, fading into oblivion.