My Baby Boy

It seems that time has passed me by, or I wasn't paying attention as it swooped around me. Somehow the little boy that I love is a full grown man. Tell you the truth, I didn't see it happen. Its amazing how your eyes focus on what your mind tells it, even when he hit six feet and I was looking up to talk to him, I still saw my little boy!! It wasn't until he said to me, "Mom, you aren't as big as I thought you were," with a little smirk that I realized he had outgrown me. Of course I invoked the "I'll get on a chair if I have to knock you out" theory with a laugh, cuz size and height have nothing to do with mama rule!!

So, he graduates the first week of June. He graduates. Lord Have Mercy, my baby boy is graduating from highschool. And we are planning a cookout the night of graduation, followed with a day of minimal rest (because his friends are hosting cookouts that we are expected to attend) and then he is off to the beach for a few days. After the beach, we pack him up and off to college he goes. Since he is on a football scholarship, they want him to report for the first session of summer school in June. And just like that, he'll be gone...

Now, I know he's not actually gone. As long as I earn a measly dollar, he will have a reason to call **smile**. But, unlike most college students, the athletic scholarships give the schools authority to dip into life, its all about preparing for the next game and keeping those academics up. At Ohio U (where he is going next year) it was one of only 2 schools in the MAC Division to have a high rate of graduation among their athletes. They are not playing around. So that means, he doesn't return home for long blocks of time between semesters and during weeks of vacation. We get a day or two, where he will probably also want to tap into his old friends as well, before he is back to school. Either way, life as we know it will change.

I am excited for him. I don't feel sadness. Yet. After we drop him off, when I return and try to tuck in a new daily schedule without him here, that's when my heart will ache. But I am determined to enjoy it as a good ache, and not become sad, because me child has been blessed. From teen parents to college football player and no illegal indiscretions in between, who could ask for more?

So, this Mother's Day I will reflect on him and my other children. Its amazing how they have grown, how smart my older daughter is (she is reading and understanding Chronicles of Narnia and she is 6), how creative and artistic my middle daughter is (she can play piano by memory and tap out the notes to any tune she has hear 1 time) and the continuous chaotic whirlwind that are my twins. If I focus forward, I can feel the sun, I can appreciate God's warmth. I know that he has touched my life and expanded my horizons. I am sincerely thankful.

As is always the case when blessed change is near, pressure mounts, my husband and I argue, money tightens up, all sorts of things to distract from what I should be focused on. But God has allowed me another phase of peace, not as tranquil as when I gave birth to the twins, but a lighter level, one that keeps me alert but unfazed by the distraction. What will be, will be. In the meantime, we are going to celebrate this gradation, cook and eat, dance and drink (nonalcoholic of course - well, for the most part) praise and party and allow ourselves to completely inhale this space and time.

Happy Mother's Day !