Senior Summer

DO you remember the summer after you graduated from highschool? My son's friends are movin on this year and, in the course of talkin to them, I remembered my senior summer. Summer of first intimacy, house parties, boyfriends, freedom, soon to be luv, straight up lust, dj's and b-boys....It was incredible. Back when movies reflected life, instead of defining it, we had house parties every weekend. EVERY WEEKEND. so funny to watch house party the movie, cuz that was our summer, although we were house partying way before those movies came out.

Anyway, my boyfriend was the DJ. A coupla folks would get together 3-400 dollars, push all the couches against the wall, move tables to the basement, make sure the folks was somewhere else, and it was on. I mean ON. Dancing in the living room and dining room like we were in a club. Dancing in front of the DJ table to try to catch my man's eye. Dancing with other guys - to try to catch my man's eye. (smile) Flirting fun.

I think it was my first summer of self acceptance, of releasing fear and just enjoying the moment. I knew my friends and I would never be together like that again. Instinctively, I knew that it was the last time we could live it up like that. And I beat the sadness down until well into college, when I could no longer deny that life changes, whether you want it to or not. And life long friends from elementary school were no longer my social anchor.

A summer of sexual exploration too. Oh well, I might as well be honest, damnit. Mind you, it was still the 90's, so we were not freakin like these lil mamma's now adays. Some stuff still was off limits. But kissing in the rain, driving to the park, holding hands, slow grindin and deep intimacy - it was the first summer of all that. Funny now, how innocent it all was. I felt so guilty at the time, in and out of church, trying to pray through guilt, cuz I wasn't giving it up (smile). Now, lookin back, it was the most natural thing in the world, the sweetest love, the purest intimacies.

What a summer....

Mother's Day Lament

Happy Mother's Day to all the parenting people in the world today. It was an interesting day. We were invited to a cookout and I was going back and forth with our host over owning a dog. We owned a Doberman but had to give him away once our daughter was born. He never tried to harm her, it was just that we couldn't make time for him. Thinking back on it made me realize how much commitment and parenting changes our lives. We COULD HAVE made the change for our dog, we just didn't. A couple of kids later, the same changes were made, because we didn't have a choice. Life changes, and we became completely secondary to the upbringing of the kids. I can't even remember the entitlement to have control over my day, to focus on doing what I want to do. Just no longer my mentality.

Well, anyway, part of my Mothers Day gift was to see a movie. At a movie theatre. OK, you have to have a houseful of kids to get this one, but those of you that know understand that this is a privilege. I chose Spidey 3. Was very excited, enjoyed it immensely. Thought the sandman and the black unknown substance to be intriguing nemesis (nemesi?). Since both were played by white men, I had no reason to think about it on a different level. At the end, however, Spidey puts on his Blue and Red suit and happens to swing past the American Flag on his way to fight the Sandman and the Black creature. Now, the subtle irony in that struck me, when I spotted the flag. America beating the "sandman." Come on, I don't want to be that conspiracy sister, but, it distracted me for a moment.....

I had to cancel a book reading this weekend and was a little upset that I had to miss it. MY son had a pre collegiate sport thing. I want to further my dream but it is so minute compared to his. His future is so bright and in near reach, so I had to do my part. Like I said, I was a little sad about it, but I have to tuck that part away....