Thursday, June 26, 2008

Love Detached

Can a woman make love, without loving? Is it possible. Can she let a man into her body, whole and full, yet keep a piece of herself separate and untouched. It seems possible, downright easy in theory. To spot a man and lay eyes on his physical. Your mind turns over the possibilities. You don't want much from him, he doesn't even have to talk actually, because it is just a momentary fantasy before you go about your day.

But what happens if you indulge that fantasy. If you take the time to get to know him a little bit, like him a little bit, enjoy him a little bit. If he possesses the qualities to link with your humor, inspire your mind, pique your curiosity, is it already too late? Is uniting simply the final merging of something that a woman has already accepted deep within herself as a mate of sorts, so, no matter what, separation will be painful.

My younger friends don't seem to have this problem. At least, they don't admit to it. One girlfriend in her twenties didn' t seem to have any connection to the men she engaged, she did the deed and kept it rolling. I luv her dearly, but she is what we term "a ho." Not judging, I told her that to her face. We were trained not to be that - this early 30's group of woman friends I have. The ingrained message was to be the opposite of it.

To open your heart and love him and have him love you back. So, I believe, it is hardwired into us now. Making life like my early 20's homegirl impossible for my young but aging 30 something friends. And when one of us does try it, does engage in the meaningless fling, it inevitably turns into "something." Its not just "friendship" sex - I don't know anyone who has been able to pull that off yet (in my age group, I reiterate).

There are exceptions to every rule, but can a women love "detached" like a man...I am beginning to believe that the answer, unfortunately(depending on how you look at it), is no.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Scorpio Eye

I wrote a story about a Scorpio. The story has been in the works for some time, I am writing it for a publisher looking for Scorpio stories. Now, I seem to attract Scorpio men - their eyes tell it all - if a Scorpio who wants you, when he looks at you his eyes send fire. For real.

But, the Scorpios of my past have been in my past for a while. So I haven't thought about them or their ways in a while (but they have some interesting ways). Anyway, while writing this story, I decided to look up the Scorpio horoscope to get a better character analysis and draw out a more realistic story. While I don't believe "in" horoscopes, I glance at them from time to time. So, before I submitted the story about this raw Scorpio man that turned my main character's world (and body) inside out, I did a character check. This is what I found:

Magnetic, elusive, sexy and determined. That’s you Scorpio!....That cool aloofness is just the surface of your complex nature, and is by no means bad. Below the surface of your cool exterior is a scorching and passionate fire. You know it and others sense it too...You turn heads whenever you walk into a room — you are the strong, silent type, and you have a magnetic aura...It’s well known astrologically that the eyes of a Scorpio can hypnotise. Whether you know it or not, this is your most powerful physical trait.

Well damn. Ain't that some horoscope. And, let me tell you, its right on point. Scary how accurate it is, actually. And the character I wrote, was just like this, and his eyes were the center of the story. I didn't do it on purpose - I just took their premise (romance based on November-Topaz) and ran with it. And created a raw, sensual, sexy, promising, beautifully sculpted, fully accurate Scorpio.

Now, my horoscope on the other hand- Virgo - read as boring as paint drying. It didn't talk about any of the fire of a Virgo, just spoke about being organized (which I am not), clean (which I definitely am) and annoying to everyone but the Virgo mind (which, I probably am). But what about the Virgo passion, the Virgo strength and eyes that hypnotise? Don't I have some passion, some alluring trait that keeps bringing these Scorpios my way. Or are Virgos really just analytical thinkers and is my so called "passion" a figment of my imagination?

Hmph. I am pretty sure I can match a Scorpio's passion any day.

Either way, I just had to share that horoscope and take a minute to think of my past Scorpio "friends" whose eyes certainly hypnotised. Or whose eyes I avoid to this day, so I don't get into trouble. LOL

I hope the story gets published so I can share it with you, and let you determine whether I properly summarized the Scorpio man and whether you think my story is entertaining. Until them, I will keep on writing and avoiding those hypnotic Scorpion eyes...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Only the Weak Love?

Is loving someone a symbol of weakness? The first response is the easy no, but then again, it is possible. We try to date without luvin. Try to "play" without luvin. Try to immerse ourselves in the physical without luvin. Share secrets, dreams, hopes fears, but must do it without luvin.

Why?

When someone whispers the words "I love you" their power evaporates. Its like those words send up a sign that they are the weakest link, the one who couldn't hang and actually exposed their soul instead of playing by the rules of masks and feigned emotions.

Isn't the deliver of love the more powerful of the two? Isn't the one bold enough to put it out the the champion, because they know the inherent risk and lose themselves in the current of emotion, anyway. Allow themselves to follow that unique sensual rhythm to its intended destination, whether the receiver is capable of accepting love or not.

I remember a man told me he loved me once. Up until that moment, I adored him. After he said it, I thought him weak. Clingy. Turned out and useless. I began to be rude and cold. I didn't think of it then, never made the connection. It wasn't until I was older that I realized he repulsed me because he loved something that I could not - me. He saw beauty in something I could not - me. And because I couldn't understand, didn't see it, I turned my judgement on him instead of aiming that beam at myself. So he was the stronger, the one more whole, the healthier - and he was better off without me. He wasn't weak because of it, he was strong and sincere. I was weak because I couldn't accept it.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Fulfilled

Talk about a whirlwind three days! My son graduated from St Johns College Prepatory High School in Washington DC on Friday, June 6, 2008. I had to type it out that out, just to chew on an unbelievable accomplishment.

My son was not academically inspired. That is to say, he can do whatever he put his mind to, but so often academics wasn't it. He was bored for a long period of time and the teaching metods used didn't really inspire him. He had a burning love though - sports. So the deal was utilize a modicum of his intellectual talent in the classroom and he would be allowed to participate in sports.

By middle school, sports was no longer an option, it was a requirement. It was the balancing act, the equilibrium to the ho hum environment in school. He played the saxophone, performed in both short films and commercials, participated in numerous sports outside the staple football and basketball, science and math clubs, etc... We kept him busy, to say the least. And it wasn't easy - sometimes it was downright painful.

But we never gave.

Friday a 6'2" 195 lb man walked up on the podium when they said "Gerald Moore." For a split second, I didn't recognize him. I still see this child that I fell in love with, this adorable creature who God had blessed with something special. When they called his name I had to tuck that babyb oy into my heart and accept the grown man before my eyes - who is confident, accomplished and prepared. I fought back tears because I always knew this day would come, but never quite believed it would just land on top of me like it did. That this leg of our journey would end so suddenly. That the vow I made to God to raise this boy and love him as protectively and as fearlessly as He told me to do would be fulfilled.

I am fulfilled.

Thank You God Almighty, for blessing me with your precious seed. For allowing me the opportunity to stand in the gap, to learn how to love, to learn how to parent and to selflessly give. Thank You Father for showing me that his achievement is worth every bit of sacrifice, that each inspired word of love came from You, that Your prophetic visions kept me pushing forward and moving him toward where You would have him to be. Thank You and for allowing him to forgive any misstep or harsh word I spoke while trying to discipline him and navigate him through this booby trapped life. Forgive me Lord for those times I lost faith, through up an exasperated hand, ignorantly swore that I was on my last leg. You fed my spirit, Father, counselled me and demanded I return to what you had called me to complete. It is an amazing thing, God, to seed Your child become a health person, a strong individual, a calm spirit, a true believer and follower of Your principles. It is only by your simple Grace that I was allow to see such a miracle, be part of such a miracle, ejoice in such a miracle - and I thank you, Heavenly Father, I thank you with everything that I am or ever will be...