Queen of the Kirk

My feelings were hurt today, ya'll. Seriously hurt. I was chitchatting with my son, talking about all the things he has going on, and he started telling me that I am the "kirk" queen - his expression for going off on him. Apparently, he believes that I "kirk" on him daily, to the extent that when I call his cell phone his friends sigh and say, "go ahead and get kirked on."

WHAT!!!

Now, this is upsetting to me because, first of all, I don't like to "kirk." I hate having to be that person. To tell him when his shix stinks and correct him when he's wrong. But my goal is to raise him, and try to instill some basic lessons. And when does he get "kirked" on ? - when he has does something ludicrous, which, unfortunately, has seemed like a daily event lately.
Example one: I returned home from work last week. It was blazing, I was exhausted, hungry, had to empty my bladder in a serious way and, I was locked out. To make matters worse, I had no gas (see example three for this explanation) so I was stuck. I rang the doorbell at leats twenty times, tapped at all the doors and windows. House was empty. So I took off my suit jacket and heels and roasted in the garage in my football field chair. Fell asleep. Got eaten up by mosquitoes. Family returned two hours later. Entered the house and began to prepare dinner. got worried, cuz my son still ahdn't asnwered his phone or checked in, he shoulda been home hours ago. Called again on my cell -this time he answered. Where are you? I asked. In my room. he answered. In your room? since when. All afternoon, I was asleep, he responded.

Example two: I asked him to help watch my daughter while I ran upstairs to prepare her bath. Within 30 second, I heard MTV videos. Do I have a problem with him watching videos, well yeah and no. I get it, understand at this age I have to let go and I leave him alone. Do I want my baby girl exposed to the booty shaking nonesense at this age. Hell no. Did I say something. hell yes - cuz when he was little, I didn't let his precious eyes be exposed to bullcrap either. Did he consider that an unreasonable "kirk" - of course.

Example three: I give him my vehicle without problems. I want him to enjoy his social life, this time in his life will never happen again. Did he take the $50 I gave him and put gas in the car. No. When did I discover this? On my way to work - late and penniless with the "out of gas" beep ringing in my ear. Did I say something, yes. Unreasonable "kirk" to him. Yes

Example four: After two days with my car, I request he help me take the family to a kiddie party. It sucks. I know. But I desperately need the help. And, I hoped he wouldn't mind. His back stiffened and he rolled his eyes. COmplained. Why did he have to get stuck? He didn't ask to have all these kids? HUH? I need help, I try to accommodate him in every way, when I ask for help he acts like this? DId I tell him he was wrong. Yes. Did he add that to the list of "kirksome." ofcourse.

It goes on and on. I let alot of little stuff go. But, for me to be painted the most "kirksome" parent of all, in light of all of the major stuff he has done (which I won't embarass him and put out there) hurts. Alot. And I mean, alot.

I am sorry that he sees me that way....So, without having a pity party, I am feeling like a failure of a parent tonite. No need to comment to this post, I am not lookin for sympathy - just sharing. When you sacrifice so much and love so hard and protect so truly, it hurts very deep to know that your love is nothing more a nagging "kirk" to the exasperation of he and his friends.(Of course, I will never tell him that, though, I just kept it rolling)