4 no no's

I have been writing reviews for a long while now. For the past few months for Rawsistaz reviewers. I really enjoy it - and I am getting to read some fantastic pieces. Some. I noticed when I first began reviewing two years ago, some stuff is just.....not good. And, what do you say? I mean, it is subjective, who am I to tell someone that their work isn't good because it doesn't appeal to me. But, well, it's more than just not appealing to me. Some stuff is actually....bad. Poorly written (BTW-ignore my typos while I criticize, please). Not well thought out. Definitely not realistic. The problem with self publishing is that some folks just shouldn't write novels. Self publishing gives an open forum to everyone, which was necessary because the publishing industry was restrictively biased. But, some of the "Black literature" that I have read is so bad that I can't help but cringe.

Instead of outing folks in what is not their best product, I comment in a positive light. But these are a few pet peeves that I have noticed and I think listing them here will at least make me feel a little better, like screaming into a pillow in the back of a closet!

1. THERE IS NEVER A SMOKING GUN. This is a basic principle I learned in law school, I would just like to share it with my fellow authors. The person who cheats doesn't leave a list of their cheating discretion on the dining room table. The real babie's daddy doesn't get a blood test and then announce the results to complete strangers. The stalker doesn't leave a diary full of his tricks. Why is this necessary to point out? To date over 3/4 of the books I review build up great suspense. Then in one chapter the entire story is discovered and fixed, because the perpetrator tells on themselves. It is disappointing and shatters the mystique of the story.

2. NO MORE FRIENDS TURNED INSPECTOR GADGET. The first point leads to this second one. I don't want to read 1 more book where the best friend dons a weave/wig, ala Samantha from Sex and the City, seduces a stranger, tape records him confessing the entire truth, and then gets home just in time to fix dinner for her man. Do I really need to expound on this point? Doesn't it just seem wrong, highly unlikely, and a book turner off-er(made up word)? Then stop doing this in the novels!

3. A CREATIVE BEGINNING. Now this point is one in which I am hesitant to raise. The last ten novels, no exaggeration, started off the EXACT SAME WAY. Good hard working sistah, dating gold toothed, jheri curl having, no job working "Tyrone" type. He gets caught cheating with (fill in the blank here- gay lover, white woman, another woman, his hand, etc...)Then our heroine begins her story. Now, I get why this is the starting point. But since so many people seem to start here, it is advisable to find a different intro. When readers are browsing in the bookstore - if they are anything like me, and unfortunately for them many are- they will read the first two pages and shut the book. I can spend two hours in the bookstore and walk away empty handed by performing the "no good black men in the first chapter" test on any given day.

4. END THE BOOK. Dayum! Do I really need to tell someone that? I have no idea who started this "Ima set the reader up to buy a sequel" trend, but trust me, it doesn't work. The only thing it does is buy you a place on my "never buy one of their books again" authors list. Listen, if JK Rowling can finish (as in completely complete) a biblical sized book on an annual basis and create enough curiosity to bring back millions of readers, then why on earth can't a simple book about Black love and relationship do the same? If you want to bring me back, give me closure. Give me deeper characters with whom I can grow, whose maturity is something I want to experience. DO NOT build up a whole "who is she pregnant by plot," which by its very nature is pathetic anyway, and then end the book. Do you really think I am going to wait a year to find out? Do you really think I care that much? Do you really think you have somehow lured me in? Guess what, when I have recognized ghetto madness and stick with the book anyway, the least you can give me is an answer. Some finality. Something instead of the frustrating realization that the novel was a complete waste of my time.

5. MOST BEAUTIFULLEST. This point I am a little less adamant about. This is just a "hmmm?" moment. Why does every woman and every man have to be perfect in their presentation. The woman has the perfect body, not an inch out of place, not an extra pound anywhere to be found. Thong ready and stiletto perfect. Every man over 6 feet, picture perfect fine, six pack for days, a sexual stud. Really? Why? Why wouldn't some of these characters represent the many shades and sizes of us. I don't get it. Black woman who are overweight are making our heroines the perfect woman we have never been nor do we know. Black woman the color of deep chocolate are writing heroines that are no darker than Beyonce. I want to spit up everytime I see another "caramel skinned/green/grey eye character." Now, it is fiction. Therefore, the characters shouldn't look like the author. I just don't understand why I have read so many books by so many different sized woman of color with different complexions and hair lengths/textures, yet the main character is always the same. I guess we don't really believe that we are all that beautiful in our multiplicity, as evidenced by how we portray us, huh? We are perpetuating the "brown paper bag test" and the perfect body stigma more than any other culture ever forced it on us...


Wheeeeew. Thank you for letting me vent. Now, I will reel my emotions back in and attempt to offer my best opinion possible. And I will try not to slam down/burn/tear/destroy any more compilations of paper that lead me in an endless chase, like a puppy nipping at her tail...