Simply Fat

I'm fat. There, I said it. Not Phat, either. Just plain ole fat. Its out there and there is no taking it back. When did I let myself go the way of the flesh, and why didn't someone stop me? Well, that speaks to how kind the folks in my world are, but, never the less, its a problem.

Now, I had 4 children in a little under four years. So that excuse was alright until the twins turned 2. Now what? I couldn't get twenty more pounds off in 2 years? Probably not, considering I help myself to a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream every night around 1 or 2 am to keep my eyes awake while I struggle to create a story or poem.

Truth is, I snack more and eat more when I am tired. The sugar keeps me up. So goal number 1, more sleep. Goal 2, exercise. And not old folky speed walking exercise. I mean, for real work it out, sweat it out type stuff. Goal 3, a little mouth control. Just a little. A little more than what I have now has to be better than nothin, right?

I will have 20 pounds off by June. Have to do it. I love feeling cute, flirty, womanish. I enjoy it and it is hard to pull of fwhile sucking in the belly and running out of breath from climbing the steps. Plus, I am not happy when I look in the mirror, and I absolutely HATE that feeling.

Now, let me just say, I have never, ever been skinny. Have no desire to be. Never sported a bikini, and probably won't in this lifetime. My girlfriend suggested we fly to the Dominican Republic for lipo - if I get this tummy down, then no more suckin in and I am free to flirt, grin, wear tight clothes at will. But that ain't me. I have to lose it the old fashioned way, to the best of my ability, demonstrate to my daughters some self love and willingness to put the time in to accomplish certain goals. Skinny aint my goal. I just want to receive a hug without hoping that my man's hand won't land against a little lump-bump, you know....

So, I know how to do it, its just do I luv me enough to go for it. I think so. I joined the weight loss challenge at work today, the participatn's put up $5 a month, and the person who loses the most weight in 9 months wins. The competitor in me will do it, just for the money. I know, kinda shallow, but oh well...

In the meantime, I will have to luv the skin I am in, without being fully satsified with it. So, I guess, that is goal number 4.