Review and other stuff

Gotta a new review today for Internal Indulgences and it is mind blowing. I mean, this woman was so kind to my writing efforts, I just couldn't believe it. It is a wonderful review. I am very very appreciate. To read it, click Internal Indulgences .

On another note, I watched America Idol results show on Wednesday. This was the charity event and it was a phenomenal show. They showed situations of poverty in such a real and devastating manner that my perspective was altered. Even Simon, at one point, lost his cool. While visiting a woman suffering from Aids, he had what, for him, had to be a breakdown. He started rambling about how insufferable the room was, the living was, then he stormed out - the pretentious brat in him came forward because he simply had no other way to react (I like him alot). But it was really that devastating.

Now, the only thing that I noticed, I haven't decided whether I take issue with it or not, is that all the celebrity performers were white. Now, I want to believe that was a coincidence. But, this young generation of singers doesn't have much meaningful work to chose from. Still, in America, it is almost unheard of to bring out all these celebrities and not have an African American performer. Since many contributors were also English, I am assuming that the English booked the performances, which would explain alot!

So, I am going to give and try to continue to help. They showed a clinic with 8 beds where over 300 women and children report daily because these babies are dying from malaria. Malaria!! Something a tablet could prevent? It is just devastating. and I can't pretend to be oblivious any longer.....

Back to Life

It's back to life for me. I am trying to determine who I want to be and how to get myself there. More financially responsible. More physically fit. More supporting and nurturing. It is difficult, though, being who everyone needs me to be. Particularly my family. I have found that no matter how much of me I give, it really isn't enough. So the only thing I can do is try to give the best of me, and hope that I will be forgiven my shortcomings...

I made it to NYC this past weekend. I luv New York, but I didn't really get to enjoy it like I normally do, simply ran out of time. Not to say I didn't have a ball. I was there supporting a player in the Jordan Classic - a phenomenal young man. The game was at the Garden and turned out to be a semi celeb event - Michael Jordan, Spike Lee, Diddy's kids, Run's daughters (we think) Tocara (America Next Top Model), Roxi (BET?-I don't watch so I am going on my son's word), and anumber of athletes. Eddie George walked past me twice and looked me full in the face before I realized who he was. Same with Idris Elba. Yes, you all know the type of crush I have on Mr. Elba. But he rolled past while I was seated next to my husband and I couldn't disrespect my man by turning into a straight groupie. I had to admit, it crossed my mind for a minute, though (smile).

So the trip was definitely worth it, definitely worth showing love to our young men who are trying to do the right thing. I am glad I went. So now, its back to life for me....

Do I have a Crush?

Do you remember your first crush. I mean the first real crush, not the first little boyfriend. We all had plenty of those, when I was little I attracted little boys like flies for some unknown reason. But I am talking about that first unattainable crush, normally in your teens, normally with someone you think you can never have for a number of reasons. I have been asking my girlfriends about this and they all have expereinced the same thing, a deep strong emotion, that can only be termed as love, with a person from afar. Someone they barely spoke too, who probably didn't have a clue. But, no mistaking it, everyone agrees on one thing, even if wasn't love, the emotion was so strong that the difference is negligible.

I had a deafening crush on one person, who will forever be nameless. Even now the thought of him makes me smile, blush, laugh. I know he had to suspect, but I was too afraid to press forward and althought he would flirt and talk with me whenever he had the chance, he never crossed that line. I wonder what would have happened had I been bolder, more confident, less petrified of rejection. But, I digress. What is remarkable is the amount of emotion you can feel for someone that you barely interact with. That passion can be so strong, breathtaking, at simply the idea of someone.

Does it only happen to us when we are very young? Do we reach a plateau in life where wonder and excitement phase out for the obvious and practical, making it impossible to allow ourselves to indulge in the thought of someone? Making it impractical to be thrilled by the site and thought of someone we barely know? Are we able to have crushes after our teen years?

Dreams Realization

Its an exciting time in our lives, we our beginning to see dreams and future planning become present realization. It is not only an exciting time for us, but for several others that have journeyed on this mission together, making life sacrifices to try to insure our children had everything necessary to achieve the unthinkable. And they have turned the unthinkable into reality.

The past weekends have been spent visiting colleges that have invited us down for football. In the meantime my sons classmate has been named an All American in almost every arena in basketball. Other friends are finding that football is opening doors to tremendous opportunities, while hoop dreams are happening for some others. That's not all, there are friends who are probable major league baseball and soccer players.

Its a little surprising, the normal day to day of it all. They have been plodding along, practicing, playing, school - a never ending cycle of obligation and expectation with a few breaks here and there. But, finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and payoff for the multitude of sacrifices.

To be very honest with you, I am tremendously excited - for my son, for his basketball playing classmate. I have watched their battles upfront and personal, I know all of my sons hurdles, a few of his classmates. It is a relief to see that the promise holds true and the dedication is paying off. It is a blessing to be able to live and experience it.

Just the Lovin, Please...

My girlfriend and I were talking today about the needs of the early 30's women. specifically, how much the need has changed since the 20s. In the 20s there is so much want for reassurance, companionship, commitment, love. Love. Love. The idea of it causes some of us to bury our heads in the sand, make that man into something he is not, believe our lives to be very different from whats clearly reflected in the mirror.

But not in the early 30s. No. Now, brothas can stop playin games. Cause, sistah may not want a relationship, marriage, love and kids. Maybe she, just like you, wants to partake in a mature sharing of sensual expression. Nothing more. No love. In fact, please don't fall in love. Cause many times, her family is already in tact. So its alrite if brotha can't commit, actually its preferred. The games and the lies can stop.

The interesting thing is that more than one sistah has told me this, while more than 1 brotha is telling me they are now looking for love. wanting to settle down. but the women they want forever are instead hoping for that intimate rendezvous, with no strings attached. Forever seems like another bag of bricks to drag and the woman just isn't interested. Ironic, huh?

Simply Fat

I'm fat. There, I said it. Not Phat, either. Just plain ole fat. Its out there and there is no taking it back. When did I let myself go the way of the flesh, and why didn't someone stop me? Well, that speaks to how kind the folks in my world are, but, never the less, its a problem.

Now, I had 4 children in a little under four years. So that excuse was alright until the twins turned 2. Now what? I couldn't get twenty more pounds off in 2 years? Probably not, considering I help myself to a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream every night around 1 or 2 am to keep my eyes awake while I struggle to create a story or poem.

Truth is, I snack more and eat more when I am tired. The sugar keeps me up. So goal number 1, more sleep. Goal 2, exercise. And not old folky speed walking exercise. I mean, for real work it out, sweat it out type stuff. Goal 3, a little mouth control. Just a little. A little more than what I have now has to be better than nothin, right?

I will have 20 pounds off by June. Have to do it. I love feeling cute, flirty, womanish. I enjoy it and it is hard to pull of fwhile sucking in the belly and running out of breath from climbing the steps. Plus, I am not happy when I look in the mirror, and I absolutely HATE that feeling.

Now, let me just say, I have never, ever been skinny. Have no desire to be. Never sported a bikini, and probably won't in this lifetime. My girlfriend suggested we fly to the Dominican Republic for lipo - if I get this tummy down, then no more suckin in and I am free to flirt, grin, wear tight clothes at will. But that ain't me. I have to lose it the old fashioned way, to the best of my ability, demonstrate to my daughters some self love and willingness to put the time in to accomplish certain goals. Skinny aint my goal. I just want to receive a hug without hoping that my man's hand won't land against a little lump-bump, you know....

So, I know how to do it, its just do I luv me enough to go for it. I think so. I joined the weight loss challenge at work today, the participatn's put up $5 a month, and the person who loses the most weight in 9 months wins. The competitor in me will do it, just for the money. I know, kinda shallow, but oh well...

In the meantime, I will have to luv the skin I am in, without being fully satsified with it. So, I guess, that is goal number 4.

2008 - the year of Gtown

It is with a heavy heart that I admit my Hoyas lost to Ohio State and its man child - Oden. I was stunned. It never occurred to me that we weren't going to the Finals, actually, after we beat Chapel Hill. Now, I don't know that we would have gotten past Florida, but definitely thought Ohio State wouldn't hang.

unfortunately, folks are going off on this boy Jeff Green. he apparently suffered shell shock, or some other performance anxiety during the game, because the brotha wanted no parts of the basketball and wouldn't take a shot. But, to be fair, I have never performed in front of 70,000 people. ALso, no tellin what happened in his world just prior to the game. There is real life outside of the game for the athletes. I don't want to dis the man, and I won't join the haters that are tryin to bash him now.

So anyway, there is a silver lining in this cloud. Ohio did not win the championship. On, no, I guess that shouldn't be the silver lining. What about this: Now Georgetown can make it back, win it next year, when the two incoming freshman are a part of the team. Had they won this year, it would have been statistically impossible to repeat. Now, it is more than likely. And I would rather see one of these brothas obtain that illusive championship - put an exclamation point on an already outstanding career-and get a much desired championship under his belt.

So, next year, I'm claiming, the year of G'town.

Hoya Saxa!