High School

DO you remember highschool? Of course you do, how could you not? The you that you are now was certainly formed, solidified during those four years. I watched my son with his basketball team this week in one of the biggest games in the DC area, so large in fact, that it was held at a local university. While I watched all the kids walk back and forth I couldn't help but think of my days in highschool, the good and the bad.

Amazingly, I am realizing that I didn't remember alot of the good, so focused on the bad. What I managed to hide from most of my peers (everyone except Shani (for those that know me)) was that my mother was in the throes of severe manic depression during those years, and my home life felt like hell. On top of that, I was struggling with letting my father back in my life, a whole 'nother set of issues that would stun most of you and I still haven't resolved enough to air out to the general public. But, that is mostly what I remember when I think back on those years, which is why I blocked them out. But, scraping through the memories, I am realizing that my high school was a cushion, a home away from home, that undoubtedly enabled me to survive my private hell.

I felt free in high school. So much so, that I would act a fool at the drop of the dime. I was telling a good friend yesterday how I would jump out of the car at a red light, singing whatever was on the radio, performing for my fellow car mates, and whoever else was on the street. My girlfriend Chandra and I turned out many a party. In fact, senior year was nothing but house parties, one after another, and I had no problem spending most of my time on the dance floor (kinda how I wound up with a DJ for a husband).

Anyway, I watch my son and am happy for him. High school is every thing it should be for him, for any kid. He thinks he is "the man!"(smile) I stress humility, ya'll, so he is only kidding when he says that mess to me! But I watch some of his peers, and they remind me of some of my peers. Those that lived in a bubble, those that we snubbed, gossiped about, back stabbed. Or simply ignored, avoided, assumed conceit and treated differently - for absolutely no logical reason. Our own insecurities. (BTW-I have sworn off gossiping, thank God, it feels so good to not be that type of person anymore!!!) On some level, we place people in a bubble, judge them based on our own insecurities, and therefore make it impossible for them to enjoy the freedom of highschool, to which they are equally entitled.

IT is amazing, actually, how much the peer group forms how you perceive yourself. Does the finest guy know he is fine, or does he only know that girls either torment him with the nonstop attack, or completely ignore him, assuming he is a hoe? Does the prettiest girl know she is pretty, or think something is inherently wrong with her since people avoid her like the plague? What about the girl that slips up and has sex once and everyone hears the exaggeration and avoids her because she is a "tramp?" The what ifs can go on forever...I admitted to a friend that I was self conscious about my certain bodily "attributes" in highschool which kept me from doing alot of what I wanted, stopped me from pursuing folks i liked. She pointed out that maybe that was the ultimate plan, maybe I needed to have that burden to keep me from being wild...a different way to look at it, huh? So maybe there is an ultimate purpose to it all- the goods and bads of the artificial construct of highschool.

Just something I was thinkin about today ---posted a poem about it. Let me know your thoughts....