Reclaiming Me

SO - I got into size 14 reg denims today. whewww! Now, for those of you with smaller girths, you might not understand. But I have always been "thick" size 12-14. But comfortably so, I could just pick up the 14, because it was kinda loose and I hate trying on clothes, and I would know that I was good in a 14. Pre-baby.

Now, I know its pathetic to blame the pregnancies - but oh well! Ill be pathtic. Baby 1 - 7lbs 3oz, 13 months Baby 2 9lbs 12 oz, 18 months later Baby 3 - 7lbs 2ozs AND Baby 4 8lbs 10 oz. And did I exercise immediately after having anyof them. Nope. Well to be fair, the first baby doesnt really change your body anyone - it was the last three that did it. And I was too tired, overwhelmed, suffering postpartum, to even think about exercise. Not when the twins woke up every night and played from 1-4 am. Which was, for me, ice cream time. Trying to stay fit was the last thing on my mind, I was trying to stay awake and be a good mommy.

But then, 18 months ago, I reentered the workforce. And realized I enjoy being a woman. I like feeling good, sexy, cute, alluring - if I want to. So the struggle to love myself and treat myself a little better began.

I havent been going full out with exercise. And I still eat a little too much. But I am walking and Metroing it - taking the stairs whenever I can. Cooking healthy, stocking up on veggies and healthy snacks (trying to maintain healthy kids too). And while I would love to lose the weight it hasnt been my main focus.

But the last month I have been feeling frumpy. Like my clothes are swallowing me. My best friends mother asked what size I wore - a 10 or 12? she estimated. I laughed out right - "Try a 16 W" I replied. But she looked me up and down and her face let me know that she thought I was crazy. I remember when I went shopping for the first time after the twins. I had never been in the Womens section - I didnt even know thats what the W meant. "What is this, a 16 Wide?" I asked my girlfriend. She scoffed, "You can call yourself Wide if you want to, the rest of us call it Womens size."

Yes, I was that clueless. For some reason, it had never occurred to me to go past a 14 Reg. I just fell into a depression, convinced I no longer fit any clothes any where. Post partum is a trip, let me tell you.

So anyway, I went to the store today for supplies and found myself in the clothing section. True to form, I didnt feel like trying the clothes on, so i bought the 14R jeans, prepared to throw them in the back of the closet in defeat when they didnt fit. I gave them a try. a perfect fit. I am slowly reclaiming my body!!!