a.Kai's Daily Journal: something special, something rare, something miraculous, something beautiful


	Please forgive me, I got behind on my posts this week. Below was the "reflection" posted on myspace for Thanksgiving - hope you enjoyed the day!!! I had every intent to skip the traditional Thanksgiving reflections, no need to bore anybody with personal moments of reflection. But, I couldn't contain myself. So here I am, an hour after the passing of the day of grateful expression, overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbleness at where I stand on life's path. The truth is, I never thought I would escape my childhood world, emotional walls of barren expression and concrete pain, painted with the stripes of others manic depression and paternal sociopathic behavior. But I'm free, slid through the gate, climbed over barbed wire, bleeding and scarred, but free. My thankfulness goes further, because the physical escape does not always lead to spiritual release, forgiveness, or inner peace about circumstances which I have no power to change. That is the supernatural blessing, the unbelievable miracle that has been sprinkled my way. I could write tales that would spin your head, make tears roll, cause your insides to cringe. I choose not to because spreading pain is counter to the purpose of my gift. I am able to withhold that urge, twist and turn the event, observe it from ever angle to find that silver line of hope. I will give up only the necessary, if it brings my reader to the resolution that they are not alone in the suffering, but all things come to an end. For that I am thankful. Finally, for the energy that chose me to "come through unto life to be a beautiful reflection of His grace." Alright, I expect you to recognize and understand L-Boogie's lyrics. One of my girls, who the doctor claimed had no heartbreak and attempted to force a D&C while she was in my womb, stands before me healthy, a daily miracle. A test of my faith, belief, calm to get that second opinion, take that extra effort to fight for her life and avoid the undercover population control used by that doctor. I came to that conclusion because it was the satelite office to my regular one, the "in the hood" counterpart to my plush office in the 'burbs. Do I really have to explain, ya'll? Just by being there my lawyer identity was hidden, and, without the title, they treated me just like any other black girl from the hood. Wouldn't even take the time to talk to me about my child, my condition, anything. Brought back that helpless feeling, but just for a second. But, I digress. The point is, I was fortunate enough to have the means and access to put forth the extra effort, the extra search for proof of life, and subsequently raise hell on behalf of the many who weren't able to. I won't list my kids, but let me just say that for each day of reckless play, energized expression and glints of their hidden talents, I am thankful. If you took the time to read this, to share in the emotional overload I am feeling at this moment, I am thankful if this touched you in any way. I hope that today (yesterday) you recalled something special, something rare, something miraculous, something beautiful and just took a moment to reflect and give thanks. Peace a.Kai Check out daily posts at www.discoverkai.blogspot.com

Please forgive me, I got behind on my posts this week. Below was the "reflection" posted on myspace for Thanksgiving - hope you enjoyed the day!!!

I had every intent to skip the traditional Thanksgiving reflections, no need to bore anybody with personal moments of reflection. But, I couldn't contain myself. So here I am, an hour after the passing of the day of grateful expression, overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbleness at where I stand on life's path.

The truth is, I never thought I would escape my childhood world, emotional walls of barren expression and concrete pain, painted with the stripes of others manic depression and paternal sociopathic behavior. But I'm free, slid through the gate, climbed over barbed wire, bleeding and scarred, but free.

My thankfulness goes further, because the physical escape does not always lead to spiritual release, forgiveness, or inner peace about circumstances which I have no power to change. That is the supernatural blessing, the unbelievable miracle that has been sprinkled my way. I could write tales that would spin your head, make tears roll, cause your insides to cringe. I choose not to because spreading pain is counter to the purpose of my gift. I am able to withhold that urge, twist and turn the event, observe it from ever angle to find that silver line of hope. I will give up only the necessary, if it brings my reader to the resolution that they are not alone in the suffering, but all things come to an end. For that I am thankful.

Finally, for the energy that chose me to "come through unto life to be a beautiful reflection of His grace." Alright, I expect you to recognize and understand L-Boogie's lyrics. One of my girls, who the doctor claimed had no heartbreak and attempted to force a D&C while she was in my womb, stands before me healthy, a daily miracle. A test of my faith, belief, calm to get that second opinion, take that extra effort to fight for her life and avoid the undercover population control used by that doctor. I came to that conclusion because it was the satelite office to my regular one, the "in the hood" counterpart to my plush office in the 'burbs. Do I really have to explain, ya'll? Just by being there my lawyer identity was hidden, and, without the title, they treated me just like any other black girl from the hood. Wouldn't even take the time to talk to me about my child, my condition, anything. Brought back that helpless feeling, but just for a second. But, I digress. The point is, I was fortunate enough to have the means and access to put forth the extra effort, the extra search for proof of life, and subsequently raise hell on behalf of the many who weren't able to.

I won't list my kids, but let me just say that for each day of reckless play, energized expression and glints of their hidden talents, I am thankful.

If you took the time to read this, to share in the emotional overload I am feeling at this moment, I am thankful if this touched you in any way. I hope that today (yesterday) you recalled something special, something rare, something miraculous, something beautiful and just took a moment to reflect and give thanks.

Peace
a.Kai