Saturday, October 14, 2006

Friends?

I don't know about ya'll, but one thing I have learned since putting pen to pad is that I have the most unsupportive bunch of friends. Its sad. Or maybe its a reciprical thing. Did I forget to support some event, or give you a call. I am bad about returning calls. Anyway, when I started writing, I wanted to sit on my work, hide and protect it from those ever lurking copyright thieves. I didn't have $1500 for an editor at the time, nor was I going to pay someone that much just to give me an opinion. I had no contacts with the literary world. So I requested the aid of my very well educated, always reading fiction, friends.

At first, I figured my work just sucked and noone wanted to hurt my feelings. But then, I sucked it up and sent samples to agents and publishers. All very positive feedback (thought they didn't take me on-I still had some work to do). So, when I hinted around, asked a few questions, I started to realize that the friend group just hadn't bothered to read it. Huh? Something I birthed into creation wasn't worth your fifteen minutes? After I have sat at how many kids b-day parties, and bought how many graduation gifts? dang....

Solution: If I am drowning, I sure hope a stranger is nearby, cause if I have to wait on my friends, Ima goner. I began posting to Yahoo groups. I know - some one will steal it, your ideas aren't protected, yada yada yada. At the end of the day, it was worth the risk, just to get an opinion. Not only did I get opinions, but folks offered critiques, writing suggestions, reading choices, etc... I found out about writing competitions, submitted and was accepted for my first published short story. People shared similar concerns and experiences. I interacted online with published authors, who gave much needed encouragement. I gained the courage to blog - haven't yet had the gumption to post a picture, just yet- still thinkin on that-that's a whole nutha self esteem thing....

So, while my friends are still holding the first draft of a multiedited, soon to be published work, my life is moving forward. I wish I had a more supportive group, but, that has been the story of my life. In the meantime, my site has been viewed by more folks than I could ever imagine, most of whom don't know me from Adam. And the poetry posted at Ghetto Soul has over 2500 views in just over a month. I feel good. And thankful. So much so, that I won't even continue to comment on my sorry bunch of friends who will probably confront me about this post when they finally read it in, say, another 9 months.....

6 comments:

Shai said...

A.Kai, there are some things friends will not get. It is like you have your "regular" friends and then your "literary" friends.

Don't fret, family and friends, they are good for other support. Be grateful to them for what they are able to give.

I have learned that have a tight set of literary friends is good. It takes you away from seeking approval and acceptance from people who may not understand your passion and plight.

Not everyone can be everything to you. Embrace the good things that can be given. Let go of those folks who down your quest or at least keep them at arm's length when sharing your progress.

Cleverg said...

Hmm, it's funny the things that upset us or send us over the edge. As one of your friends who has commented on your work, at least on the website, who has read your developing novel with interest, and has always been encouraging (at least I think I have), I don't know quite what to say about this generalized, well, indictment. There are many times that I've felt that my friends have not stepped up to the plate. As you well know (for we have talked about it often), for me, the issue that sends me over the edge is the LACK of time spent. Saying that you think of someone without taking the time to interact is like asking the hypothetical, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?" I would argue that it doesn't. Because the concept of sound requires the presence of someone to APPRECIATE the noise (or sentiment, whatever the case may be). But then I have to take a moment to consider the possibility that my needs might actually conflict with other people's priorities. And then I have to consider what my comrades do offer, and appreciate that. I think that you have found that other people do not share your passion for writing and may not understand it in the least. So what? Go find people who do. As you have already figured out, there is a whole world out there with people dying to offer an opinion on your work, people whose opinions are probably better than those of your friends (in the sense they have no interest in being "nice").

We've talked about my looking at your novel and offering suggested edits. I am still happy to do so, but, well, you haven't formally asked. It takes more than 15 minutes to read, understand, contemplate, and offer suggestions. That kind of commitment requires more from you than "hinting around" and "asking a few questions" of your friends.

This sounds harsh, and perhaps it is, but as I sit here on a Saturday night with no plans (because I haven't heard from a single DC friend in days or weeks and sometimes haven't heard from them since I moved back), yes, sitting here with no plans, reading and responding to YOUR postings, your comments really got on my nerves.

a.Kai said...

Thanks Shai, for visiting!! I appreciate your comment, your right, I must be thankful for what they have given. As you can see below, during my rant and rave, I ignored the immense guidance offered by my Alabama homegirl who so eloquently went off on me below!!!

a.Kai said...

Hey CleverG,

I deserve that - you alone have supported from the start. In fact, my rant was supposed to include the exception of my very close, very special home girl - the only one who has read and commented from the start, even thought she hates Kwaku's (cwacky as she calls him) ass. Please forgive - and accept the above groveling as peace offering....

MamaKing said...

Waaahhhh! I resemble this remark. However, as one of the "regular" people who loves you because of ALL the amazing things you represent, my literary comments don't have as much weight as those from folks who know you ONLY through your words. If they knew you like I know you, you'd be on the Democratic ticket for US Senate, you'd be nominated for the Nobel prize in literature, the Pulitzer, you'd be on the short list of potential nominees for the next Supreme Court seat...You're just THAT bad!!

a.Kai said...

Hey MamaKing - my point on this post got all messed up. Im going to have to take this joker down. The post was supposed to demonstrate the need for writer support groups outside of friends, in a sarcastic way. Missed my mark, methinks....

I love you so much, my ta from another mother