What are the rules of dating, engaging, interacting with that opposite sex? And how do we teach them to our little girls. This has been a big issue over the last two weeks as I have been the listening ear to one of my friends tumultuous relationships. It is the inspiration for rejected happiness - a result of continuous conversations about how my friend doesn't feel happy, the realtionship doesn't create happiness, he can't maintain happiness, etc...happiness, in that context, just seems so fleeting.
My girlfriend told me something yesterday, in response to my lecture about making her man wait, man up, step forward and pursue - rather than being babyed ad nauseum. She said, "my mother never told me anything about relationships.....I thought you kept a man by fulfilling his every need." That amazed me. That is not our call. Now don't get me wrong, when you want to take care of your man, there is nothin wrong with it. But when the relationship is completely one sided, you are giving and taking care of, and he is just taking, then something is wrong. My friend gave over and beyond. But, is it all his fault for being a taker or are we somewhat to blame, for enabling the dependant person, making him worse.....
I don't know - I don't have any answers. I watch hip hop videos and watch my mommas define their success by how much cha cha was dispensed for that bling and my heart hurts. I witness my girlfriend go thru this painful separation, holding on to an idea of a relationship, and my heart hurts. I try to even begin to explain the process of self preservation while exploring love to nieces, young girlfriends, daughters, and my heart hurts. Where do I begin?
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2 comments:
I know what not to do. I can say my daughter who is 16 and allowed to date but has not started thank God is up on what things to look for.
Ironically, the last guy I was dealing with she did not like. She told me years into our involvement she did not like him when she found out some not so good things about him. Her being 16 going 60 stated: It was all about sex, momma. He did not take you out like he should, he did not buy things for special occasions and she went on.
I corrected her in saying it is OK to express herself to me just watch how you do it and what you say.
She gave me an eye-opener that even when you don't tell them directly they do learn.
See - I was like your daughter. I ahd advice coming and going for my mother. I hope and pray my duaghters will have that foresight, know they are worth special treatment. I gotta start talking, talking talking to them now!!!
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